Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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