literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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