I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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