He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
