Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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