The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
