Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
