its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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