Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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