just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
