Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
