Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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