She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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