Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
