would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
