I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
