Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
And then he peed in my hair
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