There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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