She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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