Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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