i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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