I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
