Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
