I cockslap morals
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
