The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think a kid would responsible me up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
