is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
