this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the liver wants what the liver wants
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
