I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
