Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
