What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't like sucking hair
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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