Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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