Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
