He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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