Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
