Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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