Tell her she can't have a vagina
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
