Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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