I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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