i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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