I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
