i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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