youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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