either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've blown a few things in my day
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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