Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
