Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
