i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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