Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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