apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
