Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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