And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
