I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
