I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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