my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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