I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
