You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
