I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
