So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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