there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
