WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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