hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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