Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
