Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
