I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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