nut hugger
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
