The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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