Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
