Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
