let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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