Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
