Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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