I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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