just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
