Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
