Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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