I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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