Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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