Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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