I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
