apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
