dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ttyl tear gas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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