She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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