I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
