He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
