When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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