just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
