dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
