Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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