i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
