come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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