Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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